No.1 What Do You Think?

Sometimes the simplest questions make the best conversation starters, especially when you let someone else step into the spotlight. this trick is really simple. just think of a question. yeah, any question. You might be wondering how much would it cost to host your own events, or maybe you’re looking at a couple of pictures on your phone and you want to know which one looks better. Your question could be long or short, simple or complicated, it doesn’t really matter, because the question itself is just the tool that you can use to get the conversation rolling. If for example, a new conversation might go something like this. After listening to a keynote speaker, imagine you’re sitting in the audience, waiting for the next lecture to start. You notice someone sitting quietly next to you, so you decide to get a conversation going. You turn to them and you say, I thought that speaker was really great, what did you think? The key to this technique isn’t the subject you’re talking about, it’s the way you say it. Jumping back to our example, you could have said, hey what did you think of that speaker? And it might have worked. But expressing your own opinion first sets the tone. Imagine if you ask them for their opinion and it was completely different from yours, maybe they hated the speaker and they thought the whole presentation was a mess. If your opinions directly oppose each other, things are going to get awkward really fast. So that’s why you tell them your opinion first. In one sentence, you introduce something to talk about, and you set the tone for the entire conversation, which makes the next party even easier, just follow up with, what do you think? with that question the ball is in their court, you’ve given them a starting point and you’ve told them that you want to hear their opinion. So no matter who you’re talking to, they’ll feel comfortable talking back.

spotlight n.聚光灯，反光灯；媒体和公众的注意
keynote speaker 主旨演讲嘉宾：发表主旨演讲的人
jumping back to 回到
sets the tone 定调
awkward adj.令人尴尬的，使人难堪的
court n.法院，法庭；球场；王宫，宫廷；朝臣；全体审判人员；庭院，院子
talking back 回嘴、顶嘴、反驳或不听从命令等不礼貌的行为

No.2 Franklin’s Favors

In the 1700s Ben Franklin discovered a full proof way to start a conversation, and immediately get on anyone’s good side. All you have to do is lead with a simple favor. Let’s say you’re at a networking event, you spot a stranger across the room and you want to start up a conversation. so what should you do? You could shake their hand and introduce yourself, but that doesn’t feel right. It feels like you’re just popping up out of nowhere. What you need is an excuse, a reason for justify starting that conversation. And a small favor can be the perfect free text. Just walk up and ask for something quick and easy, ask them to take a picture of you, or if they know the time. These favors take only a few seconds, but they completely changed the dynamic of your relationship, because you’re not just too strangers anymore. A small favor creates a sort of personal bond. Once you’ve gone out of your way to help someone, you’ve invested in them. They matter more to you and you care about what they think. Now all this sounds like a good idea in theory, but how do we know that asking for a small favor actually works? Well a famous study from the 1960s put this technique to the test. And that study college students participated in a competition where they could win money. But after being handed their winnings, one of three things happen. 1/3 of the students took their winnings home. Another third we’re asked to donate their winnings to the Psychology department, because they’re funds were running low. And the final third was approached by one of the researchers. The researcher asked the students to return their money to him, because he’d been paying participants out of his own pocket. In other words, he asked them for a personal favor. so which group do you think liked that researcher the most? You would think group number one, because they walked out with the most money. But the answer is actually group three. The group that returned their winnings directly to the researcher. After doing him a small favor, their opinions of that researcher when way up. But why is that? Why do we like people more after doing something nice for them? The truth is, we like people more because we did something nice for them. Thanks to a psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance, we want our thoughts and actions to line up. For example, if you punch someone, your brain reasons that you’re angry with them. You may not know why. They may have done nothing wrong, but your brain wants your mind to match your body. So, when you do someone of favor, your brain makes another emotional leap. You tell yourself that you did that person a favor for a reason. You assume it’s because you like that person. Even if you only did something small, like tell them the time. Ben Franklin used the same technique to turn strangers and enemies into lifelong friends. So if you want to start up a conversation, don’t be afraid to lead with a favor.

networking event 社交活动
spot 发现
shake their hand 握他们的手
gone out of your way 竭尽你的全力
invest 投资
winnings 赢到的钱
way up 一路上升
dissonance n.不一致；不调和；不和谐音
line up 对齐；排队
punch v.用拳猛击
reasons v.推理，逻辑思考；推论出，推断出

No.3 Lead With A Compliment

Favors aren’t the only way to get on someone’s good side. If you want to start a conversation and make a new friend while you’re at it, try leading with a compliment. Tell someone that you like their shirt, or compliment their haircut. These genuine surface level compliments will start any conversation on a high note. Because it instantly changes the mood. After receiving a compliment, people are subconsciously warmer, friendlier, and more receptive to new things. It brightens up their day, because a compliment makes them feel recognized and appreciated. It gives them a nice boost of self-esteem which also makes a more confident from the get-go. But there’s one really important thing to remember, you have to mean it. If you’re going to compliment someone, don’t just pull something out of thin air, don’t pick the first arbitrary thing you see, because those compliments feel shallow. Even though, you’re saying something nice, it doesn’t leave a lasting impact on anyone. Instead a dishonest compliment will just make things awkward, they’ll think you’re trying to manipulate them, and that ruins any chance of building a relationship. So, take a second to think, what do you really admire about this person? What makes them stand out from the crowd? And that way, when you do startup a conversation, they’ll know that you aren’t just faking it, you aren’t trying to pull the wool over their eyes. They’ll know that you really do appreciate something about them. So they’ll feel a lot more comfortable opening up.

haircut 发型
genuine adj.真正的，非伪造的；真诚的，真心的
on a high note 以愉快的方式
subconsciously adv.潜意识地
brightens up 变得更加明亮
boost v.使增长，推动
get-go n.开始；开端
mean 当真，认真
pull something out of thin air 无中生有
arbitrary adj.任意的，随心所欲的；专横的，武断的
awkward adj.令人尴尬的，使人难堪的
ruin v.毁灭
fake v.伪造；假装
pull the wool over their eyes 欺骗某人：故意欺骗某人，使其相信不真实的事情
opening up 敞开

No.4 Blast from the Past

Nostalgia is a powerful tool for any conversationalist. If you’re looking to meet new people, asking about their hometown is a great place to start. It’s a subject that almost everyone feels comfortable with, because there’s really no risk involved. And not to mention it’s just fun to reminisce about the good old days. When they think back on the place they grew up, it puts them in a great mood and it opens all kinds of new opportunities for you. There are practically limitless questions that you can ask about someone’s past. Ask them what it was like to grow up in their hometown. Ask them what the weather was like in their city. Did they have crazy snow storms. Was it over a hundred degrees every single day. Each of these questions keeps the conversation rolling without getting too personal. It forges a meaningful connection without crossing the line. Because that’s the one thing you don’t want to do. Don’t interrogate someone about their parents. Don’t ask them why they moved away. If you ask these personal questions right away, they’ll make people really uncomfortable. So just keep it general and keep it fun. Any blast from the past should make you remember the good times, not the bad.

Blast from the Past 回忆往事
nostalgia 怀旧
conversationalist n.健谈的人
reminisce vt.追忆说
practically adv.几乎，差不多；实事求是地，实际地
keeps the conversation rolling 让谈话继续进行
forges v.锻造；伪造；形成，缔造
crossing the line 越界
interrogate v.审问，讯问，质问
right away 立刻，马上

No.5 Explore your Environment

Finding something in common is another great way to start a conversation. That commonality creates an instant bond between you. It ties you together, it creates a mutual feeling of sympathy. Because you’re both having the same kind of experience. But finding something in common can be a little tricky. Obviously you just can’t walk up and take a shot in the dark. Say you like mountain biking, okay? You can’t just randomly ask someone if they do too, because there’s a good chance they don’t. Luckily, interests and hobbies aren’t the only things that you two might have in common. No matter where you are, at an events, at a party, or in the grocery store, there’s always one thing you have in common: your environment. So, use that commonality to your advantage. If you’re at a house party, talk about the house or the crowd. If your networking at a convention, talk about the booths, the panels, or even the parking. You can start a conversation with any of these topics because everyone in the room knows exactly what you’re talking about. You’ll never get a blank stare, you’ll never get a nervous laugh, and you’ll never risk killing the conversation before it even starts. Just don’t talk about your environment for too long. These conversations starters are designed to get you off the ground, but they won’t keep you in the air. If you rely too heavily on any conversation starter, you’ll end up suffering through a whole bunch of awkward pausets. So, once you feel connected, introduce yourself, ask another question, or make a joke. You already survive the hardest part. Now it’s time to take that conversation to the next level.

sympathy n.同情（心），理解；赞同，支持
tricky adj.难对付的，棘手的
grocery n.食品杂货店，食品杂货业；食品杂货
stare n.凝视，注视
blank stare 茫然的凝视
nervous adj.神经紧张的，担忧的
off the ground 离地；开始，启动